If you’ve ever received an email from me, you know that my name is Kim Whitley-Gaynor, and you may have wondered why I use a hyphenated last name.
Someone asked me why recently, and I thought I’d explain.
Honestly, I didn’t mind the question. I used to wonder, too, when I was much, much younger. In fact, I used to form my own opinions about such things way back when. I’m embarrassed to say, but I’ll be honest here: I thought that women who used a hyphenated last name were career girls and somewhat uppity. I thought at the time: Who wouldn’t want to assume their husband’s last name on an exclusive basis?
My oh my, how silly I was!
(And once again I’m reminded how the years teach lessons that my younger self never could have imagined.)
I met Mark in 2006 and we married in 2007 — that’s a photo of me and him dancing our first dance (a waltz) at our wedding — it’s one of my favorite photos. At the time, I was almost 45 years old — well into mid-life. A lot of my major accomplishments — things that I was most proud of — such as extensively renovating my home in Austin and living happily single for over 10 years were done as Kim Whitley.
Plus, I had worked for over 30 years with literally hundreds of individuals — the last 9 years with a huge high-tech company — and all of those people knew me . . . respected me, as Kim Whitley, not Kim Gaynor. Over time, I owned that name and abandoning it seemed . . . well, wrong. Plus, I knew that if I reached out to a former coworker or other people who knew me pre-marriage, and I introduced myself as Kim Gaynor, they wouldn’t have a clue who that was.
So, I chose to keep my maiden name AND take my husband’s last name, respecting both in the process. I’m proud to be a Gaynor and a Whitley.
But, you know what? I answer to both names and introduce myself as Kim Gaynor to new friends.
Liked your blog today Kim, I also kept my maiden name, but decided not to hyphenate it, because it would really be a mouthful, so I kept it as my middle name and since I was called by my middle name, I moved that to be my first name. My mother had also done that when she and my dad married.
Sometimes I wish I hadn’t hyphenated mine either, but no matter, I answer to either or both last names!
Makes sense to me! I married in the 80s when I was young… only 17… and took my husband’s last name. However, the last few years, I started signing some artwork as Lana Voiles Manis, using my maiden and married names. Although my parents are gone, I wanted to carry on the family name in some of my accomplishments… I guess, in a way, as a tribute to them.
P.S. I like that photo, too! What a lovely couple! 🙂
That’s a wonderful way to put it. Whitley is a tribute to my dad. I’ll think of it like that from now on.
Kim, that could have been written by me!
Lou Denton VAIL.
Ha! So true, Lou. So true.
When I got divorced, I took back my maiden, and given, name. When I got remarried over 35 years later, it didn’t matter, so neither one of us changed our last names. There would be no children, so that reason is out of the picture. My wife has never changed her name, and there is no reason to start. Her last name ends with the first letter of my last name, so when we write a return address on an envelope, it comes out K____rush, but we won’t be changing it legally. It’s just our way of saying it’s from both of us. {My sister also kept and/or reverted back to hers.}
When women {or some men} change their last names, it can be difficult to find them on Facebook…lol. Also, I think to take on the last name of someone else is to, in some way, lose a born-with identity. But, to each their own…
Interesting post. When I got married, I took my husband’s last name because I liked it better than my maiden name. After we got divorced, I kept it because it still sounded better. 😉
What a coincidence, just about two months ago a female contractor contacted me about some work that I specialize in and when we met she felt the need to explain why she had a hyphenated last name. She is a respected and very busy woman and she said that when she told some of her customers that she was getting married they asked her to tell them what her new last name would be so they could locate her in the future if they could not find her card. She thought that if she changed her name she could lose a lot of business and that is why she decided to hyphenate her last name. Good thinking on her part I think.
Have a Great Day!
My now deceased ex-husband was offended that I wanted to hyphenate my last name but I already had a son and I am always called by that last name plus I wanted the last name in case of emergency at school or medical people wouldn’t question if I was my son’s mother. So, we married and I changed my last name to his at his request. When we divorced we had a daughter and the judge said “You can keep your married name or go back to your maiden name but I cannot legally allow you to change your name to a hyphenated last name.” WHY? So I am Mrs C_____. Both names start with a “C” but are very different. I kept my married last name and it is mine now. If I ever get married again I will not take a new name I will just be me! Sorry future hubby, owning my name is not part of being my life partner!